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Hipster Humpday

April 25, 2012
 

Don’t Like This Just Because Jason Schwartzman Is a Part of It

j and k

Or because it’s so flipping adorable. Don’t like it all! OKAY?! Geez. We GET IT. You’re SOOO OVER hipsterism art, and this was made like, what–two years ago? I know. I need to get with the hologrammic now.

Another reason not to like this video (clear at the bottom of the post-if you must skip over my perorating) is because Gia Coppola (yes, from THEE Coppola Fam) directed it so beautifully, and the imagery is too darling, and they’re kind of R&V (retro and vintage) and you’ll wake up hating yourself for liking it. AND you might as well skip over the next paragraph, because I’m going to start talking about Kirsten Dunst.

Sigh. Kirsten. Dear, dear, snaggle-tooth-adorable-Brad-Pitt-kisser, Kirsten. Will you ever stop being so cute? I’m a girl. Who likes guys. But you are adorable. And weird. And I would probably hug you longer than is comfortable for the both of us. And I particularly love you in “The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” because you’re so adorably weird. But you know what? So is Jason. That’s why this video is so cute. Two cute/weird hipster icons together, making life look fun. It’s really awesome in a really cute/weird way. Ugh. I’m so freaking sappy. I should probably Instagram this moment of me– being reflective about my sappiness– then add lens-flare and birds (which is short-hand for “artsy”.) Because that’s exactly what watching this video makes me want to do.

Which brings me to my next point, Jason Freaking Schwartzman. He sings for this one band, Coconut Records. They play that one song you already know, “West Coast”. Which, if you listen to it for two seconds, you will have it stuck in your head for the rest of the day. This is your only warning. He also stars in a bunch of awesome movies. A few of which top my “favorite movies of all time list”. But I’ll save that for another post.

Just listening to Coconut Records makes you miss America when she was in the ’90s*. But, I’m getting ahead of myself. First, I should probably tell you that I have this not-so-little crush on Jason Francesco Schwartzdamnheissosmartandfunny. This comes directly from the fact that he starred in my other crush’s movie “The Darjeeling Limited”… (and yes, my other crush is Wes Anderson.) (And yes, I realize this makes me a nerd.) (But I’m pretty sure we all know that by now.) (How many absurd parentheses can I fit in this paragraph?) (Don’t tempt me.) (A lot.) AND he sings?!?! Damn. He also does so many other amazing things, but I don’t want to go into too much detail, or you’ll think I’m obsessed or something.

Here is a secret: I watch his HBO show, “Bored to Death”, because I love him so much, BUT, if I’m being honest, I don’t even like the show all that much. It’s a little boring. But that’s the double entendre of it all, isn’t it? Which is why I like him. So many layers of intelligent, sexy, wit. My heart is seriously beating faster just typing about how much I like him. How devoted (bizarre/I need therapy) is that? But Zach Galifinakis is in the show too. And to digress EVEN FURTHER: if you combined Zach Galifinakis and Jason Schwartzman together, you would have caused me to collapse into a puddle of heart shaped candies that melted in the sun, because you would have created the man of my dreams—which I’m now realizing is a fat, subtly-hilarious jewish guy with a beard.

Anyways. What I really want to drive home is that I just think there should be some kind of Polaroid-Lensflare-Battle-in-the-Octagon for “The Most Adorable Hipster Coupling of All Time” between these people:

Jason Schwatrzman & Kirsten Dunst (Is This Sound Okay?)
Joseph Gordon Levitt and Zooey Deschanel (That one New Year’s song)
Zach Braff & Natalie Portman (Garden State)
Elijah Wood & Mila Kunis (this hasn’t happened yet– to my knowledge–but totally should)
Michael Cera & Ellen Page (Juno)
Michael Cera & Charlyne Yi (Paper Heart)

I know. I listed Cera twice (because he’s so adorable) and I’m probably forgetting thousands of awesome hipsters, like the Gyllenhaals. But the problem is, is that they’re too far underground/popular for me to know about. (I can’t pinpoint if hipsterism is underground or mainstream, neither of which cross my field of vision.)

Anyways, if it was a matter of strength, I think Kirsten would come out on top. She looks like she could get pretty feisty and tear Natalie’s face off. But I wouldn’t count Ellen off too early… Anyways, I think we all know Cera would be the first to tap out.

Oh yeah, here are two songs that I totally love independently of Jason’s involvement:

*I totally quoted that from a random YouTube commenter. I think this qualifies me as the worst writer of all time. Wait. Is Stephanie Myers still writing? Yes? Okay. Second worst.



About the Author

Annie Wagner
Fragile, like a ninja.